You Cannot Pour from an Empty Cup.

And other things nobody actually told you about.

If you woke up this morning with a cup of coffee and a half a cup of energy, you are not alone.

Some call it running on fumes. Some call it fresh out of spoons. Whatever you call it, the feeling is the same — you have been going so long and so hard that you have forgotten what it means to just exist.

Not just get through the day. Actually exist.

Close-up view of a cozy reading nook with a comfortable chair and soft lighting

If you are a mom or a caregiver, burnout is not a personal failure. It is the expected outcome of too much, too often, and not enough.

Research agrees that caregiver burnout can significantly impact the mental health of 40% to 70% of caregivers. Stress levels, exhaustion, depression, and loss of identity are among the leading issues facing caregivers (Psychology Today, 2022).

You are not falling apart. You are overwhelmed. Those are not the same thing.

What does burnout look like? Are you still showing up? Still doing the things. Still managing it all. But inside everything feels loud.

Focus and concentration have left the building. You are constantly moving from one task to the next even when you are sitting still. You feel resentful of the things you used to do without dread. You are irritated with the people you love most. You cannot remember the last time you did something just for yourself, and when you try, the guilt shows up faster than the relief.

So what is actually happening?

Burnout is not a "bad mood."

It isn't a bad day or even a bad week. Burnout is the result of running on empty for so long that the system starts to shut down on non-essential functions like joy, patience, motivation, and hope. It is your nervous system working overtime like a car engine without oil.

The research backs this up. Something happens to people when they are doing the impossible every single day of their lives. Chronic caregiving without adequate support does not just wear you down. It rewires how you feel, think, and function (Psychology Today, 2014).

Sound Familiar?

Recognizing and accepting this realization can be harder than you think.

Most caregivers are skilled at pushing through and feeling guilty for needing a minute to catch their breath. They usually have no clue how worn down they are physically, mentally, and emotionally until something breaks like a relationship, health, or patience with a loved one.

The good news is that you do not have to wait until something breaks to take action.

Taking action is not selfish. It is necessary.

Ok. So, now what?

Everybody has advice these days. If you flip through reels on any social media, you will have 100 different opinions faster than lickety split. But the truth is, doing the advice is the hard part. So start small and give yourself some grace.

Name it out loud.

It can be under your breath. "I am burned out." That is it. Instead of guilt and shame, that statement gives all of those feelings and thoughts a place to land outside of you. It requires only an awareness and a verbal acknowledgment of that awareness.

Ask for one specific thing.

Pretend someone says to you, "What can I do to help?" If you say, "I need help," it is too vague for most folks to step up to the plate. Give specifics. "Can you come over for two hours on Saturday?" If you do not know what to ask for, ask yourself, "What do I need right now?" The answer to that question is what you should ask for.

Lower the bar on self care.

You know what self-care is? It is doing one thing for you. A spa day is nice, but so is a cup of coffee in silence. So is a hot shower in silence. So is dancing to your favorite song. Whatever brings you peace is what self-care is. It could be as simple as five minutes in the sun. Small and consistent adds up.

Let something be good enough.

Your best is good enough. Not perfect, but who is? Free up your energy for the things that matter to you and let the rest be what it is. There is release in letting go.

Talk to someone who will actually sit with you in it.

Being told you are an amazing person or like a superhero can land like a flat balloon to those in burnout. Maybe what you need is someone to hear it, not fix it. That's what therapy is for. Getting that support before a crisis is what puts oil in the engine before the car gives out completely.

Conclusion

That crushing feeling you get when you wake up in the morning filled with dread does not mean you are a bad person. It means you need to recognize that the expectations placed on you can be crushing. Acknowledging this can open you up to healing. Taking simple action steps can help you along the way. There is no shame in reaching out for help.

Even helpers need help.

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If this resonated with you and you are ready to talk to someone, Wildwood Counseling offers a free 15 minute consultation. No commitment. Just a conversation. Reach out here.

Additional resources are listed below.

Resources

Want to read more? These are worth your time.

What Caregiver Burnout Actually Does to Your Brain — Psychology Today

How to Cope When You Are Caring for Someone You Love — Psychology Today

Building a Self Care Plan That Actually Works for Caregivers — Psychology Today

Find Caregiver Support in Your State — Family Caregiver Alliance

If you are in crisis:

If you are having thoughts of suicide or feel you are in danger of harming yourself, please reach out for help immediately.

988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline — Call or text 988 (available 24/7)

Crisis Text Line — Text HOME to 741741

Emergency Services — Call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.

You do not have to go through this alone.