What to Do When It All Hits the Fan

Autumn Calvert
Jun 27
8 min read

Sometimes life just falls apart.

Your bank account is empty, your partner is either mad or has broken things off, you may have gotten fired or cannot find a job, and everywhere you look, people are casting you off or smashing your confidence. All you hear around you is no.

Have you gotten to the point that you believe the world does not think you are good enough to deserve happiness?

Feeling like your life is surrounded by carnage and you are the one to blame is something many people experience when it all hits the fan. Shame creeps in and takes over, leading you to believe that no matter what you do, you will somehow screw it up. Another outcome could be that you start to believe nothing good will ever happen again. It is the feeling of being buried deep in the wreckage while a heavy sense of defeat starts to move in.

Someone once told me that things have a way of turning around. And while waiting alone is not the answer, the truth underneath that saying is real. Change is the one thing you can count on to not change. It is as steady as the sun and the moon. The possibility of change can offer something to hold onto during the storms.

But how does one do this when the couch is calling, binge watching TV is comfortable, and that bag of chips won't eat itself? Good question. Let's talk about that.

Now I will be moving on to some tips. But remember that it is okay to not be okay. Honestly, I am exhausted from the overuse of that line, but it is true. Let me think of another way to say this without leaning on tired phrases. Here we go.

Existing can be enough.

What to do when the fan is running and everything hit it.

Move It

And by "it," I mean your body. Stand up from the couch and walk around. If it helps, set a timer. If the couch has consumed you like those chips you just ate — no shame, I have a sweet spot for some chips — pause the show and put your feet on the floor. Feel your feet on the floor. Now feel the weight of your feet on the floor and stand up. Did the weight in your feet change? Now take a step. What happened to that weight? Take a deep breath and pull your body into good posture.

If you are feeling really spicy, go take a walk or dance to your favorite song.

These small steps can do more for your mental state than you might expect.

Feel it. Name it. Set it down.

Staring in the face of the yuck feelings sucks. But there is a difference between allowing these feelings to consume you and looking at them, naming them, and putting them down.

Try this. When one of those feelings arises, try to notice where it is in your body. Maybe you feel a tightening in your stomach or throat. What is that? Is it stress? Okay. It is stress. Take a deep breath into that place where you feel the sensation and say out loud — that is what stress feels like to me. Get out a piece of paper or a journal and write down the feeling, the name of the feeling, and what caused it. Then close the book.

Now move to the next step.

Break it down into one thing.

The brain wants to keep you safe. It is built to keep you alive, but when it has all hit the fan and is sending out shards of your life everywhere, your brain is thinking — duck, pivot, turn, duck — like a ninja warrior. It sees it all at one time. Why? Because that is what it is programmed to do.

But you have the power to slow this down by taking one thing at a time. The brain will want to fight this, but by narrowing your focus you are slowly removing the accelerant from the tank. The less the brain has to watch out for, the less it will register danger.

Is there a bill to pay? A call that needs to be made? Does that resume need a refresh?

Think of it like a game. Create a list of everything that needs attention, pick one thing, and do it. Then pick another. The pile may start to shrink and the brain can begin to settle.

What can you control?

As much as I would like to tell you that you can fix everything, the truth is that so much is simply out of our control. But not everything.

What is in your control? Take out that piece of paper or journal and write down what you have control of. Number these items. Once you are done, and this may take time, no rush, look at that list and remember that you may have more power here than you thought.

It is hard when it feels like everything is happening to you. The shift can come when you insert yourself back into the narrative by controlling the things within your power.

Then the inner critic shows up unwanted and uninvited.

Shame Sabotage

After writing that list, your inner voice may be telling you that you should be ashamed for being in this position. What is wrong with you anyway? Why can't you just pull yourself up by your bootstraps and move on? You know things will change, so why don't you just get over it already?

Sound familiar? First of all, there is nothing wrong with you. Second, you have to have bootstraps to pull yourself up. And third, knowing and feeling are not the same thing.

These are common thought patterns when everything is going sideways. I call it shame sabotage. Some call it a shame spiral. These thought patterns actually have a purpose. They are trying to brace you for what may come next. If the next flying object comes at your head, your brain has prepared you to duck. But these thoughts have negative side effects.

It can feel like the weight of the world is crushing you into the floor. Your body, in an effort to protect you, will get into a protective state. Remember those old Charlie Brown cartoons when he has just done something he feels bad about? Head and spine curved forward, head down in defeat. That is the posture the body takes when it has been shamed. Don't believe me? That is okay. Believe the science! Shame causes Charlie Brown pose.

It is protective in that it hides your vital organs from a frontal attack. But the attack is coming from inside your body. And it is hard to move forward when you are in a constant state of protection and shame.

Have you ever tried a superhero pose? You know the one. Legs slightly apart, hands on your hips, chest out, shoulders back, head up. That pose may be a good place to start allowing your body to tell your brain that everything is okay.

When your body is in protection mode it is telling your brain to do the same. But when your body is open, like the superhero pose, it advises your brain to settle down. All is well. Take a few deep breaths in that position. This can allow the body and mind to begin to relax. Stand strong and powerful.

And if you feel a little silly, that is okay. Humor has its place in good mental health too.

Shame feeds itself, and the more it is fought, the worse it gets. "I feel shame about this situation. If I had only (fill in the blank of what you think you did wrong) I feel shame about that too. Why am I so stupid? Just stop it already."

Sound familiar? Those thoughts are gluttonous. They feed each other.

One technique that science suggests may help is to stop fighting the thought. Flip the script on it by saying, "You are trying to protect me, so thank you. But I am not in danger right now, so it is all good."

If the thoughts are relentless, finding a therapist can help you work through them with tools that actually fit how your brain works.

The Danger in Decisions

When the mind and body are in a state of protection, decisions can be flighty. A person may reach out to the first thought that pops into their head just to get out of the situation. The problem is that those decisions can make things worse, and that is not the end goal. When the brain is under stress, the frontal lobe, the part responsible for sound decision making, is no longer running the show.

Time to heal and recover may be the break your mind and body need. It is hard to be wise when your mind is in tangled knots. Complex decision making requires focus and intention.

Imagine Charlie Brown. He is walking around after a terrible situation. He decides to kick a can. He loses his balance, and down he goes.

I realize this is a simplistic view of what may be hitting the fan in your life, but the concept is the same. Sometimes the wisest thing to do is pause. Take the time to just exist and recover. Even superheroes need a break.

Phone a Friend. Or a Counselor.

Humans were built for community. We need each other. Back in the olden days, survival depended on it. One of the fastest ways to become more stressed when life is upside down is to do it alone. Isolation is the pits.

However, texting or calling someone could feel like a monumental task. If there is one thing on your to do list for the day, this one should be it. We need each other. And if you do not feel you have anyone, find a counselor. Counselors and therapists have been trained to help people in situations like this. Believe me, you are not the only person who has felt this way. It is more common than you might think. After all, how do you think Charlie Brown was conceived? Yep.

Deep breaths, superhero. You are not your thoughts or the crap hitting the fan.

If any of this resonated with you and you are ready to talk to someone, Wildwood Counseling offers a free 15 minute consultation. No commitment. Just a conversation. Reach out here.